ladies make the best art

fumbling towards ecstasy is perhaps one of my favorite albums of all time. when my grandmother died, i listened to sarah mclachlan for days.

i remember my family thought it was taboo that i was listening to music and singing right after losing someone i loved. to my dominican family, grief often means abstaining from things; loss is solemn and best acknowledged through reverent silence, sacrifices, promises.

sarah's songs meant a great deal to me. they were about self-discovery and desire, learning fearlessness. there is something really feminist about surrender. so much of fumbling towards ecstasy is about choosing surrender. this message is important for me as someone who feminism (or patriarchy) has trained to face life with my fists up, ready at any moment to pick a fight or assume crash positions.

i am still waiting for another lilith fair... with more women of color.

and in that stillness there was a freedom

i'd never felt before